"To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."

"For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal"

"There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."

"Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym."

"More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly."

"We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi."

"Justice Marshall has made his decision. Let him enforce it."

"Every man should keep a fair-sized cemetery in which to bury the faults of his friends."

"How to win a case in court: If the law is on your side, pound on the law; if the facts are on your side, pound on the facts; if neither is on your side, pound on the table."

"A politician thinks of the next election; a statesman of the next generation."

"There is no law against composing music when one has no ideas whatsoever. The music of Wagner, therefore, is perfectly legal"

"An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living."