"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

"there's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."

"My girlfriend sleeps in a queen-sized bed and I sleep in a court jester-sized bed."

"My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted."

"What's another word for Thesaurus?"

"Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it."

"A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can't help himself."

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."

"If you can keep your wits about you while all others are losing theirs, and blaming you. . . . The world will be yours and everything in it, what's more, you'll be a man, my son."

"Seemingly from the dawn of man all nations have had governments; and all nations have been ashamed of them."

"The genius of play is that, in playing, we create imaginative new cognitive combinations. And in creating those novel combinations, we find what works."